just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
