Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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