i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
