...so i touched it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
