i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
