Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You took a bar mat shot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
