two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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