I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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