Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
