ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
