i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Four minutes until I can fart!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
