Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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