How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize