remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is wine microwaveable?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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