Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
