He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How does one acquire holy water?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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