She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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