Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
