plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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