saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
