Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
