Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
