I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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