he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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