Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
