We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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