She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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