please come you make the beer taste better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize