Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
