the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
