Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize