Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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