i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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