I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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