Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
