Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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