wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I won the penis lottery.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
