I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
