my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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