dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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