your parents love me but you hate me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
