I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want a musical about memes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
