Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sober January is a disaster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This baby is an asshole
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
