and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
