We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
