Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
