i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
