Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
