Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
