I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize