Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
