69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
