watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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