I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
