Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
