A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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