just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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